130+ OF THE BEST SONGS, MINUS THE ONES I FORGOT, MINUS ANY DENTON BANDS/BANDS I KNOW, IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER

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(Are You on the Inside or the Outside of Your) Pants /The Makers
As far as I know, The Makers only made one listenable album. But they made the hell out of it. It's high-energy fun from start to finish, including this track, which reveals an interest in getting "way up in there, like the custard in a chocolate eclair." Yum.

A Quick One, While He's Away/The Who
More like six quick ones, all rolled up into one Dang! Dang! Dang! Dang! Dang! Dang! Dang! Dang! Dang! nice package.

Absolute Beginners/David Bowie

Achoo!/Sparks
Toward the end when they start repeating the title over and over again, I like to sing "Hot Jew" instead, and think about Judah Bauer.

Across the Universe/Beatles

Add it Up/Violent Femmes
My friends and I used to play this in the car during Driver's Ed, waiting for our instructor to react to "why can't I get just one fuck?" Turns out he was a perv, and didn't mind it at all. On a side note, I consider "I look at your pants and I need a kiss" one of the most romantic lines ever written.

All This and More/The Dead Boys
"Ya got dents in your head that tell me all the beds you've been shoved on." Does punk rock romance get any romancier?

Almost Blue/Elvis Costello

At Last/Etta James

Baby's On Fire/Brian Eno
Oh, Eno. Don't we have fun together?

Beautiful Girls/Van Halen
I can never hear this song without remembering the infamous SNL "Schmitt's [Gay] Beer" commercial parody.

Because I Do/X
I know there were probably a lot of more obvious X choices, but this fast-paced marriage indictment is so much fun.

Bits and Pieces/Dusty Springfield
Rick Shapiro used this song in his one man show and I couldn't get it out of my head. It's from the soundtrack for The Stunt Man and only available on some huge expensive compilation of Springfield's work, which I now have to buy. Dammit.

Blame It On Cain/Elvis Costello

Blister in the Sun/Violent Femmes

Blue Eyes Crying in the Rain/Willie Nelson
One of the saddest songs. So sad. My god, it's unbelievably sad. (Note to self: a thesaurus is not a dinosaur; get one).

Bohemian Rhapsody/Queen
My mom and I listened to my brother's Queen: Greatest Hits cassette so often that it finally broke. He replaced it, we stole it, and broke that one, too. This happened again and again until CDs were invented.

Breakfast in America/Supertramp
This is how much I love Roger Hodgson.

Breed/Nirvana

Broken Chairs/Built to Spill

Cactus/The Pixies
I suppose something is inherently wrong with me for loving stories about fucked up relationships. But a plea for your lady to "bloody your hands on a cactus tree, wipe it on your dress and send it to me" is about as romantic a notion as I can imagine.

Call of the Wreckin' Ball/The Knitters
The Knitters was an X side-project with a country twang, and this song is about a guy who stomps on chickens for a living. John Doe is a sexy beast.

Cars/Gary Numan
I always wished The Cars would release a song called "Gary Numan."

Close to Me/The Cure
There were a lot of Cure songs that tied for "awesome" on my list. but if I had to choose just one, it would be "Killing an Arab" (see below). This is a "Close" second.

Cosmic Dancer/T-Rex
When I was a kid, the only thing I'd heard of by T-Rex was "Bang a Gong" - convincing me that I hated T-Rex. Years later I discovered what all the fuss was about.

Crazy Little Thing Called Love/Queen
That tappity-tap drumstick action is impossible not to re-enact on the steering wheel. I am so ready, Freddy.

Creep/Radiohead
I always sing this while listening to Centro-matic's "You're Like Everyone" because in my head they go together. Sorry. That's just how I roll.

Crimson and Clover/Tommy James & The Shondells
I'll admit I heard Joan Jett's cover version first. I was just a kid and my cousin gave me her 8-track (shut up). Remember when a song would start out toward the end of one "track" and fade out, then fade back in at the beginning of the next "track?" Somehow I learned to love this song anyway.

Crossin' Fingers/Kid Dakota
My ears nicknamed me "Columbus" for the way I accidentally discovered this song. Every time I listen to it they declare a national holiday.

Crying/Roy Orbison

Darling Nikki/Prince and The Revolution
I don't understand what part of this song made Tipper Gore upset. I do understand that Nikki sure knew how to grind.

Debra/Beck
My friend John called the second he heard this album: "It's like Ween meets Prince," he told me. I'd like to step inside Beck's Hyundai, if you know what I mean.

Delta 88/X
The most fun X song ever - too fast, too furious.

Don't Bring Me Down/ELO
One time a "greatest hits of a decade" album commercial came on television and when it played a clip of this song, my 27-year-old brother came running into the room shouting, "IT'S THE ROLLER SKATING SONG!!!" That's the kind of power this song wields.

Don't Get 2 Close 2 My Fantasy/Ween
There is not enough Ween in the world. But there was too much for me to choose a favorite. I like this one alot.

Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood/The Animals

Eastside Suicide/Eastside Suicides
By this time next year, "Eastside Suicide" probably won't be on my "best songs ever" list. So listen yourself and add it to yours.

Eyes of a Stranger/The Payolas
For years the Valley Girl soundtrack was out of print and I clung desperately to the version of this I'd taped off the radio.

Fat Bottomed Girls/Queen
Long before Sir Mix-a-Lot, one sexy bisexual buck-toothed "champion" made you sit up and take notice of the ladies who have more to love.

Five Years/David Bowie
Instead of "people," I like to wistfully sing along, "never thought I'd need... so many peep holes." Yes, I agree - it's astonishing that I'm still single. Who doesn't want this?

Forever Young/Alphaville
This song is so 80s, it requires a plutonium-powered DeLorean just to listen to it.

Gates of Steel/DEVO
This song came on the car stereo and a second later my mother turned to me with, "What is this, DEVO?" before turning it off completely. I was simultaneously her biggest fan (she recognized DEVO!) and so heartbroken (she flipped that switch so quickly, so callously). I smothered her while she slept that night.

God Knows I'm Good/David Bowie
Bowie touched me. Literally. On the arm. I'm thinking of tattooing his hand print on my elbow.

Good Morning Captain/Slint
That whispery, "I'm sorry. And I miss you." gets me every single time.

Goodbye, Toulouse/The Stranglers
It's about France and a flood.

Guacamole/Super Furry Animals
So silly. I don't know what guacamole has to do with sleep-deprivation, but I'll buy it.

Happiness is a Warm Gun/Beatles
Second only to "Why Don't We Do It In the Road" for best title of a Beatles song.

Here You Come Again/Dolly Parton

He's Simple, He's Dumb, He's the Pilot/Grandaddy
I was clued into this album about four years after the fact, but better late than never. Any band that sings about broken hearted suicidal alcoholic robots is a band I can wholeheartedly endorse. This opening track leaves the listener poignantly wondering, "Did you love this world, and did this world not love you?"

Hot Chocolate Boy/Beat Happening
I heard this song first as a Banes' cover, and later fell in love with everything Calvin Johnson ever did (as well as everything The Banes ever did).

House of the Rising Sun/The Animals
My Dad would play this for me when I was a little girl. Years later when he finally taught me to play the guitar, this was the only song I wanted to learn - and the only song I still know how to play.

I Know its Over/The Smiths
For the young and broken-hearted: take one large bottle whiskey + this song on "repeat" until you feel you can unlock your door again.

I Like to Sing-a/Owl Jolson

I Must Not Think Bad Thoughts/X

I Remember You/Chet Baker
There are a few songs on this list that I owe (my exposure to) to an ex. But his entrance into the Witness Protection Program forbids me from revealing his identity. Thanks, guy.

I Started A Joke/Bee Gees
Wouldn't it be great if the lyrics to this song were all about a guy walking into a bar?

I Want You/Elvis Costello

If I Can't Have You/Etta James and Harvey Fuqua
This song makes me smile so big my cheeks hurt. One day I will sing this in a karaoke duet with Christopher Walken.

I'm Sick of You/Iggy and The Stooges
This is the one that makes me wish the volume knob was limitless.

Immigrant Song/Led Zepplin
The DOOMS UK once covered "The Girl From Ipanema" but whenever they got to the part about "each one she passes goes 'aahhh'..." they substituted the "ah AH ahhhhhh AHHH!" from this song. It's hard to spell phonetically, but you get the drift.

Is She Weird?/The Pixies
Dear Robert: This is the song I played every day in the office. This is the song Kimberly and I cranked up and danced around to. This is the song that made you ask, "who sings this?" every day, and made us laugh and scream out, "The Pixies!!!" If it weren't for you, I don't think I would love this song as much as I do. Thanks.

It's Hard to Turn Me On/Quasi
I can't stop buying Quasi albums, even though this is the only one that has the magic. I love almost every moment of this whole CD, but this was the first song to get my attention.

It's Oh So Quiet/Bjork

It's Tricky/Run DMC
Much like being president, rapping is hard work. Just try not to tap your Adidas-es along with this hip hop classic. I say it's not that easy.

Jed the Humanoid/Grandaddy
A robot drinks himself to death because he doesn't feel special anymore. I hope they play this at my inauguration.

Jesus Ranch/Tenacious D
I played the hell out of my bootleg "songs from the show" Tenacious D cd I bought off eBay. For some reason this one stood out as being both musically and comedically brilliant.

Johnny Are You Queer?/Josie Cotton
The other reason the Valley Girl soundtrack should be in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

Jolene/Dolly Parton
Plenty a' scorned lady has composed a vengeance song about her cheatin' man; But Dolly takes the road less travelled, begging the beautiful Jolene not to take him, "just because you can."

Judy is a Punk/The Ramones
I quote Franky Pelvis: "As it turns out, Jackie is a punk, and Judy is just a runt... ok, I don't know what the fuck this song is about, but trust me: it's awesome."

Kids in America/Kim Wilde
Do yourself a favor: rent the movie Reckless. You'll see fully (frontally) nude Aidan Quinn, banging Daryl Hannah in a boiler room. You'll see the very best dance scene from any movie, thanks to some well-chosen Romeo Void. And you'll celebrate "Kids in America" as the two of them tear up the school from the inside out. Most. Fun. Ever.

Killer Queen/Queen
Half the time I don't know what the fuck they're saying, but the shit I do understand is killer, Queen. (Yeah, I know - I hate me, too.)

Killing An Arab/The Cure
Ties with "Bohemian Rhapsody" for best song about Camus' The Stranger.

Lady Stardust/David Bowie

Leader of the Pack/The Shangri-Las
It's embarrassing, but this song always makes me cry.

Levitate Me/The Pixies
I was listening to this song to think of something to write about it, but all I can do is get lost in how fucking cool it is and play it again.

Life on Mars?/David Bowie
If I didn't completely adore this song before, then hearing it (acoustically) in Portuguese cemented its place in my heart forever.

Lipstick Vogue/Elvis Costello
I'd like to learn how to play drums, master this song, perform it in public, kick total ass, and then totally forget how to play drums.

Little Girls/Oingo Boingo
Like most albums I bought in the ninth grade, this one was recommended by a hot skater boy from Palm Springs.

London Lady/The Stranglers
A British reporter gets called a whore; revenge-through-song kicks ass.

Los Angeles/X
Los Angeles is an excellent song to crank up and shout along with while driving on the open road, especially if headed west, or actually leaving Los Angeles. That is, once you get past the lyrics about "niggers and jews." However, it's perfectly fine to sing out that part about "every Mexican that gave her alot of shit," as well as, "every homosexual and the idle rich."

Lovin', Touchin', Squeezin'/Journey
I sang an acoustic duet of this with Franky Pelvis at last year's office Christmas party and I wasn't even drunk.

Mansize Rooster/Supergrass
If you can listen to this without smiling I will give you a grillion dollars.

Manta Ray/The Pixies
I don't know what it is about when the guitars kick in. It's something.

Miss Your Disease/Evil Superstars
This song and "Your Dump Or Mine" prove that Belgium isn't totally worthless.

Mongoloid/DEVO

Monkey Man/Rolling Stones
I heard this for the first time as a teenager while watching Goodfellas, and then a few weeks later on an episode of 21 Jump Street. So I got a job and bought Let It Bleed two weeks later.

Monsterpussy/The Vaselines
Meow.

Mood Indigo/Nina Simone

Moving in Stereo/The Cars
The song Phoebe Cates undressed to. Lock the door, Reinhold.

Mr. Blue Sky/ELO

Needle in the Hay/Eliott Smith

Nerd Rap/The Tri-Lams

No Aloha/The Breeders

Over at the Frankenstein Place/Rocky Horror Picture Show

Panic in Hanoi/Lee Harvey Oswald Band

Pills/New York Dolls

Pills and Soap/Elvis Costello

Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want/The Smiths
Feeling sorry for oneself was never so beautiful. The Dream Academy's instrumental cover of this song (used in Ferris Bueller's Day Off during the museum scene) followed McCartney's advice, successfully taking a sad song and making it better.

Queen Bitch/David Bowie

Raina/That Dog
If I whistle this when you're around, it means I don't like you.

Rapture/Blondie
My third grade gym teacher, Mr. White (who was, of course, black) came into class one day asking us if we'd heard this awesome song. I developed the biggest crush on him because of that.

Regina/The Sugarcubes

River Euphrates/The Pixies

Roadrunner/Jonathan Richman and Modern Lovers
I used to work with this socially retarded computer programmer who had an obsessive knowledge of Joan Jett. The first time I played "Roadrunner" in the office, he got really excited that I was playing that "Joan Jett song." I calmly explained to him that it was a Jonathan Richman song, when what I wanted to say was, "What kind of fucking Joan Jett fan doesn't know that 99% of her hits are cover songs?!! You smell like baloney!!!"

Anyway, I showed him the liner notes, but I'm pretty sure he still doesn't believe me.

Rock and Roll Suicide/David Bowie
My favorite Bowie song of all time. It's closely followed by thirty other songs tied for second place, but this is the one I want someone to stand outside my window and play from a boombox held above his head.

Rocket 69/Lee Harvey Oswald Band
Why isn't this the most famous band ever? They are glam rock legends in my own mind.

Say It Ain't So/Weezer
I was playing a made-up version of "20 Questions" with my friend John where I was trying to guess whichever band he was describing. He told me that this particular band was very influential, and that whether or not they admit it, everyone has this band's first album. "Everyone you know likes them. They were really popular."

"Was it ... The California Raisins?" I guessed, which sent us into such a raucous, teary-eyed, pants-pissing laughter I had to pull the car over to avoid killing everyone on Second Avenue.

Needless to say, he was talking about Weezer.

Season of the Witch/Donovan
The one true Donovan song; was excellently used in To Die For, as Illeana Douglas happily skates over Kidman's corpse.

Sexy Sadie/The Beatles

She Smiled Sweetly/Rolling Stones

Shivers/Boys Next Door
The Dogs in Space soundtrack was at one time, everything to me. I special-ordered it from the record store at the mall, back in the days before internets, when that was what you had to do.

Should've Kept My Eyes Shut/The Beautiful South
I can never remember the name of this song. I always have to ask my friend Consuelo, "what's the one about vomit and blood coming out of her nose?"

Sloop John B/Beach Boys
I dunno what it is about this song. Something about a corn-eating drunk on a boat really makes me smile and leaves me longing for home.

So You'll Aim Toward the Sky/Grandaddy

Somebody to Love/Queen

Son of Byford/Run DMC

Strawberry Julius/Bikini Kill
One of the only remaining "pros" of the riot grrl movement.

Superstar/The Carpenters
Sonic Youth's cover of this is eerie.

Surrender/Cheap Trick
I always thought I hated Cheap Trick. Turns out I don't.

Sympathy for the Devil/Rolling Stones
I heard a story a long time ago that this song was originally written with the line, "Who killed Kennedy?" But the day before it was recorded, Robert Kennedy was shot. So the lyric was changed to "Who killed the Kennedys." I don't know if that's true, but I tell that story as if I heard it from Jagger himself.

The Ballad of John and Yoko/The Beatles

The Devil Went Down to Georgia/Charlie Daniels Band

The Girl From Ipanema/Astrud Gilberto

The Loved Ones/Elvis Costello

The Night the Lights Went Out in Georgia/Vicki Lawrence
Truly among the classic-est of classic country story-songs; one of several reasons to fear the South.

The Show/Doug E. Fresh and Slick Rick
One of the first "rap songs" I ever heard. "I don't know what they call this crazy stuff, but I like it!"

The Very Thought Of You/Billie Holiday

They Call the Wind Mariah/Kingston Trio
My dad would play guitar and sing this song, and I loved it so much. I would beg him to sing it again and again. Then he would say "no," and start playing "Mule Skinner Blues."

This Town Ain't Big Enough For the Both Of Us/Sparks
Sparks never got enough recognition here in the USA. You either love Sparks or you've never heard of them. If you have heard them and you don't love them, then you and I can never get married, and not to put too fine a point on it, but this whole world ain't big enough for the both of us.

Tiny Steps/Elvis Costello
A creepy song about a creepy episode of Alfred Hitchcock Presents in which a creepy little girl switches places with her creepy dead dolly.

Town Without Pity/Gene Pitney

Try A Little Tenderness/Otis Redding

Uncontrollable Urge/DEVO
THE most fun song to sing in the shower.

Under Pressure/Queen with David Bowie

We're Desperate/X

Who Loves the Sun?/Velvet Underground

Wouldn't it Be Nice/Beach Boys
When I was a kid, my family made a cross-country move every few years - a psychological experiment that just wouldn't end. During the 40 hours in the car, listening to "oldies" and already missing the friends I'd left behind, this song never rang truer. It would be nice to be older, spending happy times wherever the hell I wanted. Maybe if I think and wish and hope and pray, it might come true...

You Don't Own Me/Leslie Gore

You Really Got Me/The Kinks

Your Ass is Next in Line/The Mummies

Your Love/The Outfield

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Please don't tell anyone, but Darci Ratliff (kittenpants) is sitting cross-legged on her floor listening to early INXS records. She is mortified at forgetting to mention Roxy Music. She also really loves Tom Waits, but more for his role as Buck Merrill in The Outsiders.

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