Dear kittenpants:
I am a health conscious young chap who enjoys the thrilling excitement of showers.

Why does my sister scream so loud every time I dress up in her clothes and watch her scrub herself down? Just wondering, thanks a bunch.

By the way I like cats in pants. I also like shoving pants in cats. Mr.Scratchers doesn't like it though--he always yowls a lot and throws a big fit and I say, "Mr Scratchers we're just playing!" and then my mom usually comes in and says, "Hey Jeffrey, what are you doing to that damn cat, you fucking retard little prick!" and I just love my mommy so I put Mr. Scratchers down and then I pick up my Daddy's lighter fluid and start drinking it because she always pays lots of attention to me when I do that. Then my Mommy calms down a bunch and we play a new game after she lights her Pall Mall with a match. She calls it RUN LIKE HELL, and I have to run until I'm out of her sight, but by then I usually throw up cause my tummy hurts. After I wake up is when I go find my sister. Do you think she gets upset because of the vomit on my face?

Thanks Kitten Pants, I don't know what I'd do without you!
Jeffrey

Dear Jeffrey:
It's good to know you are health conscious. The ASPCA and Child Protective Services are on their way.

Also, look for an email from the ghost of Milton Berle.
xoxo,
kittenpants