Dear kittenpants:
I am not gay or anything, but feel sad about the "coming out of the closet" metaphor. Can we change it to "climbing out of the drawer"? It just makes more sense and I think it would make everyone more happier.

Thanks.
Henry V

Oh, Henry!
I am not in charge of the gay metaphors. If I were, I think I'd try

stepping out of the shower

toweling down with "Lance"

three dollar billin'

Many times, people who start letters with "I am not gay or anything, but..." have a metaphor of their own.

gay

Love you,
kittenpants