Dear Uncle Sloppy:
My boyfriend and I live in a tiny apartment, and our bathroom door won't shut all the way. This makes it uncomfortable for me to do number two, or number one and two simultaneously. It is hard to hold it all the time, What do I do?

Sincerely,
What Do I Do-doo

Dear What Do I Do-doo,
My advice to you is not to be ashamed or hide from the prying eyes and nose of your boyfriend, but rather to embrace his curiosity.  I truly believe that if all of mankind would just stop being so afraid of their excretia and just relax and revel in natures bountiful issue, then we would all be able to truly be happy...really happy for the first time in our so-called lives.

So, next time you catch your boyfriend peepin' in the little girls' room, don't shoo him away.  Invite him in for a little journey through the wonderful world of the human body and its many offerings...

LOVE,
Uncle Sloppy