Loving Me Is Easy Cause I'm Beautiful
The following is an IM conversation I had "with" Josh Abraham. We were in pre-production for his movie, American Standard, and I was working at the underwear store in Seattle. He was unusually quiet, and I was suffering from cabin fever.

kp: hey
kp: have you hired more crew yet?
kp: are you there?
kp: ????????????????????????????????
kp: i hate when instant messages aren't instant
kp: you can't ignore me.
kp: i am too compelling and beautiful
kp: i need a new article for tomorrow's kittenpants.
kp: i'm listening to the band Cornhole.
kp: once they wrote a song about a guy who fucked a deli ham, then sliced it into sandwich meat.
kp: based on true events
kp: goddamn, this conversation is one-sided.
kp: I really do need to talk to you about the movie
kp: i saw a commerical this morning that compared a car to a rock band.
kp: advertising likes to hit people over the head with their idiotic concepts.
kp: "Man, I RULE! Cause I drive a Rock-Car!!!!"
kp: i hate you for not being there.
kp: You're gonna find this IM later and kick yourself.
kp: what I wanted to tell you is that it's time to hire a UPM and an AD if you haven't done so yet. And its time to let me know the loose schedule details.
kp: And you should decide if you want me there for the production.
kp: And you should write an article for kittenpants.
kp: And it should be about the show Dark Angel
kp: or not.
kp: What the fuck are you doing that is so goddamned important?
kp: I hope it involves making out with ladies or something. Something exciting and unavoidable.
kp: Because if you are jerking off or eating a bologna sandwich or something, talking on the phone, or watching Dark Angel, or emailing jokes about the President to your mom, I will ruin you.
kp: don't fucking tempt me.
kp: the buzzcocks are on now. god i love this song.
kp: if we were playing iPod war, I'd be kicking your u2 lovin ass right now.
kp: its fucking cold here.
kp: and i had to park a million miles away. like that song by the Plimsouls.
kp: JABRAHAM555!!!!! YOU CAN SEE ME! I KNOW IT!
kp: Fine.
kp: Don't let me interrupt your President email jokes to your mom.
kp: I'll just be minimized, here in the corner. Bored as shit, cold. whatever.
kp: there's a little kid in here eating a jelly donut bigger than her head.
kp: omgomgomgomg
kp: get that jelly away from the underwear....
kp: i don't think i'm ready for that jelly.
kp: Okay
kp: i'm going home
kp: i hope you enjoy this sandwich i made for you out of bread and "fuck you."
kp: I didn't know if you liked mayonnaise or mustard
kp: so I used tabasco sauce.
kp: see you later!

***

Kittenpants.
Feel free to submit your own links/comments.