Me, Myself, and I
When you write for other publications, often they ask you to submit your own bio - a short paragraph, written in third person, listing your credentials, interests, personal bests. This is often more fun than getting your article published. Here are some samples you can use next time you have to pretend to be someone else writing about yourself.

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The only thing Kittenpants can't do is nothing. She isn't never not untalented.

Did you know that Kittenpants is the child-product of the time Kurt Vonnegut, Jr., made sweet unholy love to a hilarious gazelle that can type 70 words per minute? It's true.

What Kurt Cobain did for music in 1992, Kittenpants did in 2000 for the world of internet humor magazines. So be sure to catalog every article she has ever written, so that after her (inevitable) suicide, you can be all sad and worked up and self-important, acting like you knew her personally just because you had a copy of Bleach before I did. I'm so sure. Get a fucking life, hippie.

Kittenpants is the garden gnome of the internet's back yard: always there, watching, with that shit-eating grin on her face.

Kittenpants is a really good writer... for a girl.

Kittenpants is a breath of fresh air in the blog-polluted technological world. She is a freshly baked cookie in a supermarket full of stale coconut macaroons. She is a warm blanket in the backseat of a 1984 Ford Tempo thats heater is broken and window won't roll all the way up. Kittenpants is a compelling metaphor-filled sentence in a paragraph full of nothing but cold hard facts. God I want to fuck her.

Have you seen the cans on this one?!!!

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Kittenpants.
Feel free to submit your own links/comments.

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