Notes from Hollis

Chemo Crunch n' Munch
This cereal is FORTIFIED with essential nutrients. This child eater is MORTIFIED at the cockroaches that bubbled up in his Count Choco milk. His first reaction was a blank stare at the bowl with breath all stopped. Pale-faced 9-year-old panicked and vibrated with spoon all clanky against the side of the bowl. Little human child eeeking yodels for child-bearer to take him to hospital, 'cause he's gonna die. Silly Billy; those cockers ain't gonna kill you. What is, is that bone cancer Unkle Robert gave you in your genes. Daddy fucked Mommy and Unkle Robert called, causing sperm to put on a bad pair of genes. Sorry, Billy. But if we could go back and find the fashioned faux pas squiggly, we would. I'd like to bare naked him and put him in 20/20 vision slacks. That way you could see how sad Mommy and Daddy are every time we look at what our bad sex made.

Laborious Lunatic
I need hot water and some strips of towels. Watch out, her water broke!!! Don't slip!!! Shit, you okay? Hello?

Oh fuck, you are passed out and she's in labor. Fine shit I'm in. I'll just naked you up and cut your clothes in strips, then. Yes, cloth cotton polo pique is a good birthing strip material. Now come here lady labor. Okay, now I need to tie your hands up with passed out's belt. Okay, next I need you to open your "Lamaze mouth." Yes, good. Let me get, like, five strips in there.

Yes. Thank God I got them in; that was close. I was about to freak out from all those moan groans and annoying patterned breaths. Now this may sting, but I need to pour this hot water over your head and body to make you quiver--shoot new thing out. I know what I'm doing! TV Docs always use the same supplies, lady!

Ewww, you blister easy. New thing's gonna wanna crawl rappel in reverse on his umbilly cord back inside ya. If he does I'll make him turtle head out with some jerky or dip, so don't worry.

Dried-Out Dinner Dilemma
Poor corporal is choking on something dehydrated for sure. Call a medic. I'm not sure what it is, but he was eating for awhile, so I bet it was freeze-dried ice cream. But it could very well be Tang or an American single. He's scarlet in the face and his sign language gesture is signaling his concern on whether choking in the line of duty will qualify him for a purple heart. A judo fist to the groin should cause his MRE (Meal Ready to Eat) to projectile out. Wear a helmet, soldier, because if it's a dried bannana disc it could shrapnel-lodge in an artery. I'm not having any more DD (During Dinner) casualties on my watch!

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Hollis
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