Pizza is for Lovers
The newest in the Pizza Hut specialty pizzas line.

Freedom Lovers pizza: It may be our most expensive pizza, but isn't your family worth it? Smothered in irony, hyperbole, and pepperoni, this feast is what makes Americans great. And obese. Dip it in garlic butter and then shoot your greasy middle finger straight up in the direction of France. If you don't love this pizza, then the terrorists have already won.

Child Lovers pizza: We take a delicate thin crust, add a touch of sauce made with sweet, tender tomatoes and extra virgin olive oil, sprinkle it with fresh young vegetables, and bake up the hottest most mindblowing pizza you've ever tasted. May God forgive you for putting it in your mouth again and again. It should be wrong, but it feels so right.

Pizza Lovers pizza: We take a pepperoni pizza, fold it in half, and place it in a pan. Then we take a mushroom pizza, fold IT in half, and place it in the other half of the pan. Then we put a supreme pizza on top of that, then cover the whole thing with sauce and anchovies. Then we mail it to Italy, where it is dumped into an aged wooden casket and stomped on by a generations-old family of winemakers. the resulting liquid is sealed in a flask, buried in a Sicilian olive garden, and left alone for nine years until it is dug up by a distant heir of Julius Caesar, mixed with some of the fake blood that was used in the scene where Sonny Coreleone was shot in the Godfather, poured onto a thin crust, covered in cheese, sausage, and a lock of Dom Delouise's hair, then baked in the sun, flown back to your town, and served by John Tuturro and Danny Aiello. If it's not hot and fresh on your doorstep in exactly nine years, three days, and thirty minutes, it's free!

Danny Glover's pizza: Just three days before retirement, this pizza is a sassy number with extra sauce! Covered with burnt cheese and silvery beard stubble, this pie makes an excellent sidekick to our Mel Gibson Wacky Wings. There's no way you'll ever be too old for this shit!

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Kittenpants
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