Eight Ways That I've Been Stalked By An Inflatable Woman
by Nicholas Moore

I
She sails on my couch
Like an extraterrestrial Annie Lennox
A blown-up,
Grown-up,
Beach ball woman.

II
I found my friend face-down
On twin inflated nurses,
His hirsute buttocks turned toward Heaven,
His Stoli and Triscuits as spilt as him.

He wasn't my first choice to housesit.

III
In the dream it's always High School,
Parked in line for a pile of lunch.
Through the sneeze-guard I see her digitless hand
Tap against the ice cream scoop.
Painted-on eyes seem to say
"I have no way to serve these beans."

IV
Someone must have lit these candles...
Curled the ribbons on these balloons...
A person hung the banner that reads "Surprise!"
And gift wrapped my gold fish, bowl and all.
But I can find no one in my apartment,
But inflatable women
(Party favors scotch-taped to their palms),
Floating to and fro.

V
A blow-up woman
Caught on fire.
She wore the flames
Just like a hat.
I only meant to show her
This trick I do with sparklers.

At least she wasn't real.

VI
The next thing I knew,
I was waking up beside an inflatable woman.
That's what happens, I guess,
When you bong a case of near beer.

VII
While affixing a weather vane
The Amish farmer fell to his death.
The village elders were perplexed,
For when they open the golden locket
That had always adorned his neck,
They found a tiny headshot
Of an inflatable woman.

VIII
Hollywood bought the movie rights
To my vacation photo album.
I will play my younger self.
The landmarks of the world will be done with CGI.
Oscar-winner Hilary Swank will play the inflatable woman.

***

Nicholas

Feel free to submit your own links/comments.