Earth: dipanomically designed?
A California cheese company was fined earlier this year for three years of polluting nearby fields with stinky cheese-waste. Now they are seeking permission to pump the waste directly into the ground.

"Pizza Hut has taken this 'stuffed crust' compulsion too damn far."

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Can a monkey pyramid scheme be far behind?
Man has taken the final step toward the inevitable Planet-of-the-Apes style destruction of society by teaching monkeys how to use money.

"The red research assistant "sells" grapes and the blue research assistant "sells" Jell-o cubes, with each piece of food costing a coin from the monkey's budget... The capuchin must make a decision analogous to a grocery-store shopper's: how much of their budget to spend of grapes and how much to spend on Jell-o."

The experiment changed dramatically once the monkeys started following the advice of one Matthew Lesko.

"If only they had given the monkey a choice between lap dances and child support payments we could have really learned something."

"You know, back in the day some fancy scientists taught the queers how to use money, and now they want to get married and whatnot."

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Kittenpants

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