hey kittenpants-ers!

Remember when you were young, joking about the future? "Yeah, I'll make out with you. Come find me in the year 2005." (Burn!)

Well it's here! It's 2005. Jesus. I can't believe it. We're not quite driving hovercars, but we've come a long way, baby. And when did you want to make out, exactly?

This year seems no better or worse than the last. The thing that bothers me most so far is how god damn excited Kirstie Alley gets about some shitty pre-packaged diet chicken fettucine meal. In her new commercial for Jenny Craig, Alley practically gives birth just thinking about it. "Fett-a-CHEENY!!!!"

It's just noodles, bitch. Calm the fuck down.

Thanks to everyone who sent title suggestions for this issue. I ended up naming it myself, after a song by Asphalt the Recorder. As far as I know, "Tummy" was only released on cassette, like 10 years ago, so good luck finding it.

Oh, and in answer to your question, yes this issue could be more offensive if I tried. But I thought, "It's early. Save some for fall sweeps." So I held back a little, only using the word "faggot" a handful of times.

There she goes again.
xoxo,
kittenpants

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