Geminny's Big Game
There was a player on the football field eating some hay.
I saw him pullin' up the turf wif his mouth, a dumb day.
His teeth were like dice,
Weed was his vice,
And chili dogs were on special, Sartray.

The Sisters Stapleton
The Stapleton sisters were shopping at Macy's and being very loud.

"What do you think about this dress, Maureen?"
"It's too gaudy. You look like Harvey Fierstein in 'Ghost'."

(canned laughter)
(canned applause)

"Maureen, he was never in 'Ghost'."
"Oh, Jean, do you think we're getting too old?"
"Not as long as we're together."

(canned applause even longer)

And then they shoplifted and got arrested and then they got a 20 million dollar movie deal for a remake of "Jay & Silent Bob go to Bali" and then they got stoned and then they got a monkey stoned and the stoned monkey made an ass outta himself and sued the sisters properly and the sisters rewrote their script for "Shopping!" and won a Tony and the monkey became a fan of the sisters Stapleton, sitting in the back row every night of the run, a moist-eyed monkey.

***