May, 2006:
A massive earthquake plunges the entire state of California into the Pacific Ocean. The nation reels at the prospect of living in a world devoid of new episodes of The O.C., and Rudy Giuliani rushes to the scene to help America heal. Meanwhile, panicked Democrats don scuba gear in a vain attempt to salvage the state's precious 55 Electoral College votes, which have sunk to the ocean floor.

November, 2006:
Newly-appointed Supreme Court Chief Justice, Toby Keith, rules that kicking ass is "110% Constitutional," triggering the South to launch an assault on the Blue states. The disastrous economic fallout causes the price for a gallon of gas to skyrocket from 3 dollars to 1 blowjob.

July, 2007:
Sensing His time has come, a well-rested Jesus stages a thrilling comeback. He immediately regrets this decision when he materializes in the middle of a taping of CNN's Crossfire, and is forced into a heated "debate" with contentious conservative boy genius, Tucker P. Keaton.

August, 2007:
Bush, intoxicated by his ever-growing powers, spirals into a jealous rage over Christ's messiah-like popularity. Emperor W. lashes out and de-resurrects Jesus, who kindly re-dies for our new and improved sins.

January, 2008:
DNC Chairman Howard Dean is given the task of finding the perfect Presidential candidate. Dean finds just the man, one who has the same intelligence, charm, and sensitivity as John Kerry, but with a smaller head.