FAREWELL TO THE HAYPENNY BOYS

Sigh.

I was shocked to learn that you are going away. Makes me wish I had read your website more diligently, and not just when I was scouting for material for my own.

But you always had such good content! It was like an all-you-can-read buffet of hilarity and mockery. We grew intellectually fat on your extra large portions of funny. Your Jared Leto-isms were like hot country gravy on the biscuits of your pretend lists and letters. Your Fact Snacks were there for us, long about noon when our humor-appetite was poking at us, poking at us.

And now you've put the internet on a diet, far worse than Atkins or "The Zone". You've become the bulemic, purging the web of your wit and leaving our mind-stomachs hungry and sad. The void you have created only leaves more room for fools with seriously bad analogies about food that seem to go on and on...

(cue "Nobody Does It Better", and slo-mo footage of Sam, Matt, Dennis and Paul in "Cosby" sweaters.)

I will miss your articles, your antics, and your bizarre Martin Mull fetish (when clearly Howard Hesseman is a better Martin Mull than Martin Mull could ever be). I will miss your stories and inside jokes that I only pretended to laugh at. I will miss your sweet, sweet, asses. But most of all, I will miss the Flooz.

My only hope is that leaving Haypenny behind will allow you some time to collaborate with me, so that we can become the super-power we were born to be. Or that in your absence my readership will increase. Either way.

Paul once wrote, "You might say that kitten-pants is Haypenny's new girlfriend. We might ask you to mind your own business."

Well, it's a good thing I caught Mandy Moore's riveting performance, so that I could learn How to Deal. This break up is one of the most devastating ever. I hope we can still be friends.

You have inspired me and I am forever grateful.

xoxoxoxo,
kittenpants

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