1. Sometimes mice tell me secrets in exchange for tiny headbands.

2. Who's that creepy little girl in horror movies? Got me, but the bitch owes me 85 cents.

3. I will be your father figure. Put your tiny hand in mine.

4. Laughter is like potatoes, it's round and hot.

5. Contrary to popular belief, Skittles are not an ideal post-workout snack.

6. There's a kitty in my pocket. No...there's no kitty. I don't know why I lie like that.

7. If there's ever a weird baby floating on my ceiling, I'm not touching it.

8. What's the deal with Frankenberry? No grapes, no nuts!

9. I don't know when, and I don't know how, but Stephen Dorff knows, and he will find you.

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