How quickly the time passes! It seems like just yesterday that you were bouncing her on your knee. Now, instead of Barbie dolls, she's asking for breast augmentation surgery. Like every father, you're surely full of questions. Hopefully we can provide a few answers.

Isn't this just some kind of peer pressure thing like piercings and tattoos?
Of course it is. And your daughter's popularity depends on it. Maybe some parents are satisfied with bookish virgins who keep to themselves and major in library science, but you want more for your little angel. A pair of Howitzers will put your daughter at the head of the class.

Fifteen seems awfully young for breast enhancement. She's still developing, isn't she?
It can be hard to accept that daddy's little girl is becoming a woman, but that's exactly what's happening. In many cultures, she would already be married with several children by now. It's a luxury of the American way of life that she's free to spend her teen years exploring instead; completing her education while experiencing a broad variety of sexual partners. It's a thrilling time to be a parent.

What about the body image issue? I thought we were supposed to teach our kids that it's what's inside that counts.
Good one.

Won't my daughter become sexually active?
Your daughter is already sexually active. Breast enhancement will enable her to be more discriminating in her partners, which you would appreciate if you'd seen some of the clowns she's been with so far. Remember Mike Damone in Fast Times at Ridgemont High? These guys make him look like Johnny Depp.

What kind of message does this send to her older brother?
By participating in the marketing of your daughter's sexuality, you have given your son tacit approval to think of her in carnal terms. Inter-sibling romance is likely, and will take place with passionate abandon in the absence of guilt or shame. But who would you rather have lavishing his raging hormones on your stacked daughter--some kid you've never met who could be anybody, or your own son, who could stand to get laid once in a while?

Is it possible that I might become sexually attracted to her as well?
Ewww-gross! Just kidding. Of course you will. However, your daughter will no longer be entirely your own child; she will be a collaborative effort between you, your wife, and Dow Corning. You can expect to be consumed with desire for your daughter roughly two days per week, usually Friday and Saturday, when she will be dressed most alluringly in a micro-mini and see-through blouse, lips cherry-red, silhouetted under the porch light awaiting her "date".

Maybe I should suggest something like this to her mother.
Whoa--I'd tread carefully there, sport. No woman likes to be told that her tits don't measure up, especially when she's sacrificed them to years of breast feeding and satisfying your juvenile fantasies. But don't worry; she'll come around on her own soon enough, once she sees the ways you've been looking at your daughter, and hears your voices, hushed and giggling, in the laundry room when you think she's not home.

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