SPOILER ALERT! Don't ask how we got on the inside track. Trust us--if you really don't want to know the secrets of 24: Season 3, stop reading now!

• There will definitely be people driving Fords.

• Jack Bauer will overcome a crippling heroin addiction. He will not only beat heroin, he will beat the CONCEPT of heroin addiction. He will round up the world's supply of heroin and put that shit on death row.

• Before beating heroin, Jack Bauer will sink to new lows. During May sweeps, we'll find a strung out Jack in his tighty-whiteys, ready to do "whatever it takes" in a Palm Springs hotel room. He will be rescued by the new head of CTU, Andrew McCarthy.

• During the Presidential debate, after a particularly effective speech by his opponent, President Palmer blows him clear out of the running with a rap entitled "Da Amerikan Prezident".

• The rancher/villain guy will continue to piss off his girlfriend by asking her father to perform "odd jobs" like raking leaves, mending fences, and dumping truckloads of corpses into a shallow grave in the back yard. He will explain to her that it is all part of her dad's job as ranch foreman, and if her dad didn't want to dump dead bodies into holes, then he shouldn't have been just standing around when the truck drove by at corpse-time. A new ranch motto will be posted: "If you have time to lean, you have time to clean...up all these dead bodies and put them into a truck, and then drive them to a hole and fill it. With the bodies."

• All dead bodies will be dumped out of Ford trucks.

• Kim Bauer's newly-developed computer hacking skills will come in handy when she is kidnapped by heroin.

• An entire episode/hour will be devoted to a slideshow of Tony and Michelle's stupid wedding photos.

***