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by Franky Pelvis

My Review of Teen Wolf and Tenn Wolf Too!
Bull crap and bull crap too!

What's up with everybody being ok with a giant mutant wolf? I don't know about you, but if Alex P. Keaton wolfed out in front of me I'd crap myself. Why was this not big news outside of the school? Wouldn't the army want... an army of those things?

And what is it about a wolf's super powers that map well to the basketball court? Has anyone ever seen a wolf play b-ball? I have and they f**king double dribble and go out of bounds constantly.

And all the girls in school, especially the hot one who looks like she's 28, are all into Teen Wolf. I thought that was a little unrealistic cause none of the guys in Tiger Beat are ever 1/2 wolf, or even 1/4 wolf. And the other girl in the movie, PMPC (Poor Man's Phoebe Cates), is a total tomboy, which in the 80's was almost as hideous as a girl who wears glasses. Anyway, PMPC only likes him when he's not a wolf. What a bitch.

Then there's the second Teen Wolf movie, with absolutely no connection to the first except for this one scene with Alex P. Keaton's Wolf Daddy. And in this one instead of basketball, it's Greco-Roman wrestling, which is a little better, cause wolves are actually pretty good Greco-Roman wrestlers.

And the second movie has Justine Bateman, who's Mallory's real-life brother, So I guess the producers were all "Hey if we can't get Mallory's fake brother I guess we can settle for her real brother"

I give both movies negative 3 1/2 stars.
Teen Wolf: -***1/2
Teen Wolf TOO! -***1/2

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CORRECTION: My Review of Teen Wolf and Tenn Wolf Too!
Apparently the word Teen is spelled "teen" not "Tenn". Also Justine Bateman's brother is actually Jason Bateman, not also "Justine Bateman". Though that would be funny if they had the same name.

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Kickboxing!
Seriously man, why isn't this sport more popular? It has everything regular boxing has except you kick people right in their stupid faces.

Remember that Jean Claude Van-Damme movie where his brother or maybe his best friend got killed by some evil guys? And the he had to kickbox either 50 guys, or possibly just 1 or 2 REALLY BIG guys? Then he won the title of championship kickboxer and/or won his honor back?

Yeah... I don't either, but i bet it was pretty damn sweet.

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Kittenpants
PAGE ONE
INTERVIEW: Michael Ian Black
INTERVIEW: TPS's Tim Delaughter
FEATURE: The Good, The Bad, and the Tomlin
FEATURE: Laundry 2K3
FEATURE: Matthew Lillard's One Man Show
FEATURE: You Need a Nickname
FEATURE: Love + Hate
FEATURE: Music-Related Titles That Remain Vacant
FEATURE: Scaring Your L-D Girlfriend via Email
COLUMN: Corn Mo's Tales of Wonder
COLUMN: Mostly...by Franky Pelvis
COLUMN: Music News + Reviews
COMICS: Uncle Sloppy's "I Remember Chester"
 

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