cm: Jack Black, Frank Black, and Michael Ian Black have to unlock a portal that is locked from the other side. Frank Black has a key hand, Jack Black has wings, but the bionosphere will only allow Blacks with 3 names. How do you open the portal?
mib: Knock really loud and ask the janitor if we can come in. If he says no, bum rush him, then cock slap him into unconciousness.

cm: Do you like celebrity riddles?
mib: This was my first celebrity riddle, and I really enjoyed it. It was especially satisfying to finally figure out the correct solution.

kp: When I polled the readers for questions for you, each person who responded wanted to know something about Capt. Monterrey Jack. Why do you think that is?
mib: I don't know.

kp: Can you tell us everything we ever wanted to know about CMJ?
mib: That was a skit we did on "The State." The character was created by pulling a title out of a hat, which was how we sometimes wrote skits. The title was "Captain Moneterey Jack." I don't know what more there really is to say about the character other than it was FUCKING HILARIOUS!!!

kp: Tell us a story!
mib: There was once a lonely turtle. He decided to go into the woods to find another turtle to share his life. But the turtle was across a big road. Cars often whizzed by on the road, and the turtle was slow. He was afraid if he tried to cross the road he would get squashed. But he was very, very lonely, so he decided to summon all of his courage and cross the road. He got to the edge of the road and listened for cars. He heard none. He looked down both sides of the road for cars. He saw none. He sniffed the air for gasoline fumes. He smelled none. So the turtle began to cross the road. Then a car squashed him.

kp: Are you still mistaken for one of the Kids in the Hall?
mib: Constantly.

kp: Which one?
mib: We never get that far. They'll say, "Excuse me, weren't you in the Kids in the Hall?" I say, "No," and that's usually the end of it.

kp: Do you have any questions for kittenpants?
mib: Are we almost done?

kp: Yes.

Thanks to Michael for the interview. Check out ED on NBC, and soon, "The State" on DVD. Better yet, visit the next Stella show, and buy the short films. If that ain't enough, watch Michael reflect on how much he loves the 80's (and soon, the 70s) on vh-1.

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