I love the clouds. I love how they just float around all mellow-like. Sometimes they are bright white and other times they are a little gray; they remind me of me. Don’t fuck with a cloud because it will rain on your parade in a New York minute, my friend.

I hate how Mick Jagger won’t admit that Charlie Watts is a robot. Mick, it’s not like we don’t already know. We are just waiting for you to confirm. We’ll still pay to see you shake your 106-year-old ass on stage--or at least watch the footage on one of those VH-1 specials. Fess up Fucker!

I love how people think they know everything, because when they say stupid things it makes me laugh, usually quite loudly and right in their faces, so that they know that I know that they are full of shit and that I want them to die.

I hate that people just wont accept that Don Henley and that dude from Mike and the Mechanics, is the same person and they are both hella depressing.

I love that Chiclets still makes those Tiny Chiclets packs of gum. I just dump the entire package in my mouth.

I hate when you go to see your favorite band in a huge stadium and for some reason every motherfucker that is sitting in your section thinks that if he stands up and dances and sings along to the songs that he knows by heart he will explode as soon as his fat ass rises from the seat.

I love that Britney Spears got caught drinking a Coke when she has a contract with Pepsi. I love it, I love it, I love it!

I hate that John Stamos has been reduced to calling plan commercials. What happened, Uncle Jesse? Did the Rippers kick you out of the band? For god’s sake, John, at the very least get back on the road with the Beach Boys and play those steal drums on Kokomo. Play like you never have before!

I love it when a band comes out with a song that might say something like “Mice are cool” in the chorus over and over again, yet they title the song, “Poop in the Lake”.

I hate the crazy underwear pants man that runs around the mall asking people what color their underwear is. My father is so embarrassing.

***