“Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when the bologna sandwich I made grows up to become Speaker of the House.”
Christopher Plummer, 1966

“If necessity is the mother of invention, and the father is Willie Mays, then its great uncle is most certainly my sweet-diggity-dong.”
Walt Disney, 1961

“Why’re you hitting yourself!? Why’re you hitting yourself!?”
Mao Tse-Tung, 1938

“I never miss a chance to have sex, or appear on stage with a reanimated Franz Shubert—who has handpicked me from a sea of thousands of fans assembled at Austrian Hard Rock Café—so that I might assist him in recreating the magic that is Piano Sonata No. 13 in A major, D, while Halle Berry shows me her boobs.”
Sir Winston Churchill, 1958

“There’s bacon, and then there’s bacon.”
Danish Proverb

“Be nice to people on you're way up because sometimes their brothers own a carwash and during the week when it’s not busy they’ll let you come by for a freebie scrub-scrub.”
Oscar Wilde, 1883

“Parents just do not understand.”
Charlemagne, 800

“You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of the people all the time, but you cannot fool me into thinking that that Scott Stapp dude from Creed isn’t a total ass nut.”
Pope John Paul II, Today

“War—huh! What is it good for? Absolutely nothing. Say it again.”
A fistful of multi-purpose caulk, 1983

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