It’s been several hours since the announcement that Ruben won American Idol, yet I still have that sick feeling in my stomach; that feeling that I didn’t do enough to support Clay.

You know what, it's not just a feeling now. As I write this, I know for a fact that I didn’t do enough. Only 1300 votes separated Clay from being an American Idol, instead of a second banana. I just don’t see how I can ever forgive myself. Sure, I called in and voted 2167 times for Clay, but another 1500 to 2000 votes and Clay wouldn't be crying on the floor of his hotel room right now, laying in a puddle of piss and vodka.

Maybe even those extra votes wouldn't have been enough. I mean, to really show how much I supported Clay, I should have flown to Hollywood and hit Ruben over the head with some sort of blunt object. Or I could have poisoned a reuben sandwich, and made him eat it. Surely he wouldn’t turn down a sandwich. The irony would be almost as delicious as the sandwich itself…

I don’t know. I guess I'll just be stuck second-guessing myself for the rest of my life.

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