About the only good thing I can say about Debbie is that, although she was, without a doubt, a Backbreaker (with a little bit of a Corkscrew Moonsault or Bionic Elbow thrown in there, too, I think it’s fair to say), at least she was not a Tilt-A-Whirl Backbreaker. I’m trying to be nice here but, the truth is, while we were going out, Debbie, classic Backbreaker that she was, was doing it with at least five other guys (including my dad, both my uncles, and, I’m pretty sure, my AA sponsor).

I got such a lift from screwing Debbie that I was blind to the obvious fact that she was raising me up so high only so she could watch me come crashing down to earth with a thunderous, spine-cracking snap that left the entire right side of my body completely paralyzed, emotionally speaking.

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