Christopher Monks knows what he likes. He has an eye for beauty and a taste for the finer things. As with his FUBU wardrobe and Smurf collection, Christopher Monks takes a special interest in his skin. You'd marvel at his constant dedication in front of the mirror, forever refining and picking at his face.

In the winter time his lips are particularly prone to chapping, so Christopher Monks shops at the finest discount drugstores for just the right creams and ointments to rescue his dry, peeling lips. Often he will use three or four different lip treatments at a time, so as to be sure that his soft, luscious lips return to their soft, luscious glory.

Despite the health warnings on the packages, he will apply layers upon layers of the creams and ointments on his lips over a dozen times a day. Yes, this has been known to leave Christopher Monks' mouth to feel "overly-tingly" and the fumes from the various treatments cause him to seem more paranoid and angry than usual, but it's the price someone of his caliber must pay to maintain his masculine beauty and coolness.

As for the rest of his face, a never-ending war wages between dry skin and oily skin. To thwart these two forces, Christopher Monks soaks his face in hot, scalding water for twelve minutes every night before bedtime. He follows that by placing his head into a 150-degree (Farenheit!) oven for seven minutes. Finally, he makes a paste consisting of sesame oil, cream of tartar, and Scope^TM, which covers his entire face while he sleeps.

He also wears a protective cone around his neck to prevent the paste from staining his bedding. Occasionally, the cone will cause some chaffing along Christopher Monks' neck. He has yet to discover an effective remedy for this. It bothers him greatly as it makes him look like he is battling a severe case of ringworm.

"Regular" people sometimes take the beauty of their heroes and stars for granted. Their effortless style and glamour seems to come so easily, so naturally. Ordinary people don't realize the hard work their heroes go through, day in and day out, to maintain their exquisitely cool appearance.

It is my wish that this glimpse into the facial care routines of one of our most valued celebrities will change the naïve outlook of the average-looking, lesser people.

It has gone on far too long.

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