kp: Tell us a story! What's an awesome behind-the-late-night-scenes anecdote that will make me laugh and cry and maybe pee (just a little)?
ar: Once, when Sting was on, while the show was taping, he walked into Conan's dressing room (where there were always staff members watching the show as it taped) and asked the people hanging out there if he could use the bathroom. It not being their bathroom, they said, sure, Sting.

Sting apparently proceeded to take a huge macrobiotic shit. I say "apparently," because when he left, a cloud of stench followed him out of the bathroom.

This is all second-hand, as I was on set taping the show. One of the writers, Michael Gordon, upon hearing of this little event said, "Sting? They ought to call him Smelly."

kp: Or "Stink". What was the first record you ever bought?
ar: Wings, At the Speed of Sound, I think. Or maybe ELO, Out of the Blue. As I remember, both were considered sort of faggy at the time.

kp: The first concert you ever attended?
ar: Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers, Damn the Torpedoes tour.

kp: What is the last book you read?
ar: Cook's Tour, by Anthony Bourdain

kp: What is the funniest book you've read?
ar: Beautiful Losers, by Leonard Cohen

kp: How old is your son now?
ar: Two

kp: How are the "terrible twos"? Terrible?
ar: Sometimes it is. They're not constant, though, the purple-faced fits of screaming rage. I'm trying to teach him to gesture heavenward in a clutching fashion and scream, "Autonomy!"

kp: In terms of your work, how have things changed since becoming a Dad?
ar: I want to make money.

kp: Describe your feelings on the following subjects in two words or less:
FOX: squanderers
Who Let the Dogs Out: who, indeed?
Los Angeles: ultimately well-meaning
Alex Trebek: Lucky Canadian
Paul Shaffer: Plucky Canadian
The phrase "second banana": yawn
The band Bananarama: Hail, Satan!
"Panama" (the Van Halen song): GTO

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