Chris Weber announced that he is moving to Seattle at the end of the month. It left me with a few questions.

Who will I watch Saturday morning matinee movies with? Who will I watch "American Idol" or "24" with?

Who will scream "PLAY THAT ONE AGAIN!!" from the back of the room at the Corn Mo show?

Who will protect me from people I don't want to talk to at the centro-matic show?

There's like 2 Vin Deisel movies and at least one SPY KIDS sequel that I haven't seen. Who will make me watch them?

Whose room will I nap in while wrestling is on TV?

Who will want my enchiladas?

Who will be the designated driver?

Who will sit on the sofa and say "kinney corner! kinney corner!!" over and over again, even though I have explained that the phrase he is looking for is "kitty-corner" which is just a bastardization of the phrase "caddie-corner"?

Who will give me imaginary nemeses like "Rankin" and "the committee" and the state of Connecticut?

Who will help me move?

Who will play Jonathan Richman songs in the jukebox?

Who will I call when I need to know the name of Helen Mirren?

After my roommate fucks his girlfriend in my bed, who will bring me a truck and help me give the bed away?

Who will have a birthday kickball game in McKarren Park every September 14?

Who will help me spot fake celebrities in the city? Who else will laugh as hard when I spot an aged "Andrew McCarthy", still wearing that WEEKEND AT BERNIES Hawaiian shirt?

Who will order the orange juice at Teddy's?

Who will make fun of my parallel parking (which is fucking FINE, by the way)?

Who will wear the "Don't Mess With Texas" t-shirt that is funny?

Who will get excited that I know too much about "Mork and Mindy"?