kp: What instruments do you play?
tb: I play drums. I'm the best drummer in the country right now.

kp: Your website said you are currently reading White Noise, by Don DeLillo. Is that up-to-date?
tb: I finished that book. I'm now reading a book called The Unexpected Salami by Laurie Gwen Shapiro. It's about a rock band. I also bought a book about prostitution called Brothel. I haven't started it yet.

I've read over 500,000 books because I'm a serious intellectual.

kp: What song gets stuck in your head?
tb: "Complicated," by Avril Lavigne.

kp: What's the best tattoo you've ever seen?
tb: I know a woman who had a tiny rose on her shoulder. CRAZY SHIT!

kp: Once on 6th Avenue I saw a 500-lb guy wearing a t-shirt that said "ARE YOU GOING TO EAT THAT?" He had really embraced it, you know?
tb: I once saw a 100 lb woman wearing a t-shirt that said: "ARE YOU GOING TO EAT THAT? GOOD, BECAUSE IT'S YOURS AND I WANT TO RETAIN MY PERFECT FIGURE.” She embraced it, too.

kp: Have you ever gotten any crazy fans, or scary fan mail? Tell us a story!
tb: I've had a handful of people who appreciate what I do more than they should. But I'm a GIGANTIC, HUGE star, so it comes with the territory.

kp: Are there lots of comedy-groupies? How much ass do you get?
tb: I get some ass, but I could always use more. Thanks!

kp: I have a brother named Todd. Coincidence?
tb: Astonishing, mind-blowing synchronicity.

kp: What is the cheesiest showbiz offer you've received?
tb: Ten million dollars to write and star in a movie. NICE TRY!!!

kp: What is the best kind of pie?
tb: Any pudding-based pie. Fruit pies suck, except for Key Lime, which is more like a pudding-based pie. Key Lime pie is great. And real Key Lime pie should have a yellowish tint rather than green.

kp: Key Lime pie is, in fact, the best kind of pie. You are the first person to ever get that question right, although you are wrong about fruit pies in general.