Using My Deep Fryer To Dry My Clothes – October 22
Like any other Joe out there, I’ve learned about the advantages of using a non-dryer kitchen appliance to dry out or warm up clothes from countless sitcom episodes. I’ve also learned, however, from just minutes later in those episodes, that using the oven or microwave can cause a lot of trouble.

It turns out that using my deep fryer wasn’t any better. While causing no irreparable damage to my clothing/house, the deep fryer took way too long to pre-heat, and only left my clothes warm—not dry. In hindsight, I see that I would have been better off using my blender or my can opener to dry out/warm up my clothes. I suppose that’s why this idea is a nominee for the Worst Idea I Had All Last Year!

Using My Dryer To Clean Out My Deep Fryer After The Clothes Drying Incident – October 23
Now, I’m no fool, but for some reason it struck me that—if I could use a microwave, oven or deep fryer to dry my clothes, which I feel I’ve established I can do—the perfect place to clean said deep fryer would be in my dryer. I forgot to mention that the clothes that I was attempting to dry were not so much wet as they were covered in human and porcine filth. (I realize now that drying them was, in a way, putting the cart before the horse.) Long story short, I was pretty sure that my mother, who was coming over for breakfast the next morning, would not want to eat scrambled eggs that were prepared in a horrifically-soiled deep fryer.

My justification for nominating this as the Worst Idea I Had All Last Year is simply that I forgot to empty the oil out of the deep fryer before washing it in my dryer. What was I thinking?

Feeding My Mother Human-And-Porcine-Filth-Covered Deep-Fried Clothes Instead Of The Scrambled Eggs That I Promised Her She Was Eating – October 24
Have you ever had one of those weeks where it just seems like you can’t do anything right, no matter how much you drink or how many amphetamines you take? Now, I know a thing or two about cooking, and my mother usually expects a pretty sensational meal when she comes over for breakfast. That particular morning, however, I just did not feel like cooking because I had spent the whole night prior drunk and doped up trying to disinfect/repair my infected/broken dryer and deep fryer using only a wagon, some tape and a thorough understanding of Institutional Economics—let’s just say that I was a little worn out!

Frantically searching for the cereal bowls the next morning, I came across the feces-stained and deep-fried jumpsuit that had been the cause of this whole messy string of events, and, much to my surprise, it looked just like a delicious plate of scrambled eggs. What I should have realized, however, was that it would not taste/satisfy/be accepted and used by the body like a delicious plate of scrambled eggs. I suppose that’s why I’ve nominated this idea as one of the Worst!