Giving romantic gifts is a real pain. Give too little, and a potential lover cools off. Give too much, and your overenthusiasm gives you away as a future stalker.

The trick is to find a way to give a gift that sends a personal message one moment, but instantly means nothing the next. That way, you get the best of both worlds. You are at once a thoughtful gift-giver and an easygoing pal. You take your relationship seriously, but you stake no claims. You think well of this person, but you do not expect anything in return.

Unless of course that person wants you to expect something in return. In which case, that is exactly what your gift means.

The trick then is not in the gift but in the manner of giving. My advice is to theme your gift. By putting a bunch of stuff in a basket and tying it all together with a theme, you convey the impression that you gave thought to the gift, but you also shrug off some responsibility for gift selection onto the theme itself.

In a Mexican-themed gift, tortillas mean you want to wrap yourself around the person. Does hot sauce mean you think this person has a sexually transmittable disease? Absolutely not. It just happened to go with the theme.

In a health-themed gift, unscented skin cream means this person is perfect just the way he or she is. Does a yoga video convey the message that the person is inflexible sexually, if not downright dull, and could use a little inspiration in the bedroom? Absolutely not. It just happened to go with the theme.

Get it? Good. I wish you luck. And remember the guiding principle: things are not always what they theme.

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