Every once in a while, we at Haypenny like to take a break from the funny business to offer our readers something they can actually use: knowledge. Packaged into delectable little packages, they're nourishment for the mind, nutrition for the soul and tacos for the body. We call them Fact-Snacks. Dig in.

• Liver and Onions has been scientifically proven to be the opposite of Jupiter.

• When exposed to poetry of actual artistic merit, most elephants raise their trunks to salute. Which is why my elephant does that all the time.

• Geologists have the easiest job per capita than any other "scientists".

• My neighbor gets into her pajamas at approximately 10:30pm every night. She has a mole on her left thigh. It drives me insane.

• The NATO attack on Serbia in 1999 during the Kosovo war wiped out the only decent Serbian record shop.

• Your mouth produces one liter of mustard every three years.

• Although the two-finger V for Victory sign is synonymous with Winston Churchill, it is actually the brainchild of Duran Duran's Nick Rhodes.

• God, I wish the Matrix was real.

• According to a recent survey of open mic night comedians, men and women are different.

• Only one of the Seven Wonders of the World has a subscription to Details.

• The 17th-century French Cardinal Mazarin was horrible at Super Mario Brothers II.

• No one loves you quite like Sam Elliott loves you.

• In 1943, lung-shaped Valentines were used to conserve hearts for the war effort.

• Mice can tell time.

• In 2002, Scooters outsold skeeters four to one.

• Of Columbus's three ships, the Santa Maria most resembled Tim Conway.

• Oddly enough, the world record for most cheeseburgers eaten in one sitting is two.

• I don't ever want to go camping with you again.

• If all your DNA was stretched out, it would look fucking sweet.