Full On Metal Jacket
Thomas Jefferson was weeding his pot of Krokus when he discovered the ladybug. He called it a ladybug because of its black-speckled, red back, just like his wife's. She was very pleased to be named after the ladybug.

"Yea! Nice. Wait. What?"

And the Krokus grew and grew until 1988.

I'm Playing the Role
My dog eats corncobs instead of bones. He can't eat regular bones because of his condition. He can have Bonz but they come out of his mouth broken because he remembers that he hates them. His name is Tommy and he eats cobs whole. He's never choked but he licks his behind a lot. The vet says he's fine and that dogs love doing this (licking).

Once, I pulled him out from under the bed and he whimpered and his mascara ran.