Here's two lists for you. Use as needed. Apply liberally. Keep out of reach of children. Flush eyes with warm water.

10 Children's Books I'm Having a Tough Time Selling

1. Sometimes Kids Are Prosecuted As Adults

2. Mo Mo Boom, My Imaginary Suicide-Bomber Friend

3. Corporate Fraud Put Food on Your Table, So Let's Wave Bye-Bye to Daddy as He is Handcuffed, Led Down the Driveway, and Shoved into the Squad Car

4. Never Pray with Mr. Jingly the Pocket Priest, or Start a Fire with Mr. Kindling the Littlest Scout Master

5. How to be a Reliable Eyewitness, and Other Playground Survival Tactics

6. First-Grade Financial Planning: It's Never Too Early to Invest For Your Retirement

7. Elementary-School Video Surveillance, Random Recess Drug Screening, Belief-in-God Lie-Detector Sessions, and You

8. Bringing a Handgun to Preschool: Know Your Rights

9. Animals Don't Have to Wear Condoms (But You're Not An Animal)

10. It Hurts to Grow Up So Fast, But Attending a Private School Sponsored by a Soft Drink Can Ease the Transition to At-Will Employment

Click below for List # 2