Dear Trauma Rama:
A few years ago, when I was crossing the Atlantic by help of a talking hovercraft, I realized that my best guy friend was really sweet and that maybe I should go after him. Unfortunately, when I flew back into Denver on the back of a gigantic lightning bug, I found that he'd been stabbed to death in a street war organized by rival gangs. The next day I got my haircut and the hairstylist cut it way too short and I looked like a boy. I was so embarrassed; I wore a hat until it grew out.

Dear Trauma Rama:
The other day, I was at the mall with my best friend, when she noticed this really cute guy that went to our school and was working at the food court. She dared me to go ask him out, or at least just say something to him. Well, I finally got the courage to walk over there. I pretended like I was going to order something, but I started stuttering and I threw up right in front of him! I was so embarrassed! I just ran away and covered my face. But, the next day at school, he asked me out! I later found out he had a vomit fetish.

Dear Trauma Rama:
A few years back I was ice-skating with my major crush at the local pond which freezes over every winter. We were just going around in circles, making small talk and doing a bit of flirting, when he leaned over and tried to kiss me. I was so nervous but it went perfectly. We decided to sit down and make out a little more. While we were kissing, some of the ice cracked and a little boy fell in. And wouldn't you know it, it was my brother! I was so angry I skated over and started throwing big slabs of ice at him and poking him with some of the sticks I always carry in my backpack. Several people pulled me away and helped him out. He had to have three toes removed and I got two years juvenile probation. I was sooooooo embarrassed!

Dear Trauma Rama:
Three weeks ago I got my driver's license and was sooooo excited to finally be driving. My parents had bought me a brand new Jeep for my 16th birthday, so understandably I could wait to show up at school in it. I got ready in a hurry on Monday morning and headed off for school. I drove by really slow so everyone would see me, but just then I got my period! I was soooo embarrassed. I parked quickly and tried to cover everything up, but I quickly realized that it wasn't my period at all but the Ziploc baggies full of ketchup I keep in my pockets at all times had started to leak. Now everyone at school calls me "Little Miss Keeps Ketchup In Her Pockets For Reasons No One Understands." It was really humiliating, but at least it helped me get a date to the Spring Formal.