CM: Why hasn't somebody put you with Cusack? Because nobody has vision.
BC: It's because of me - I'm blind.

CM: Would you ever play GI JOE?
BC: Why not? That's my nickname, baby.

CM: You should have your own sitcom based on "Army of Darkness" where you work at the department store and fight evil and call it "Nobody Gets Me".
BC: And you should leave your apartment at least one time per fiscal year.

CM: Trey Parker and Matt Stone will call you soon if they know what's good for them.
BC: I'll be sure to get call waiting...

CM: You could play a time-traveling evangelist that fights demons and then learns a lesson or two about people.
BC: You could help me pick the lint out of my navel, but what fun would that be?

CM: You could play anybody better than the A-list. If you ever played with Nicholson the camera would explode and Pacino and DeNiro would be jealous for the rest of time.
BC: You speak of these so-called actors. Who are they? Do they do dinner theater in Orlando?

CM: Who is your favorite band?
BC: Rubber.

CM: Do you work out?
BC: I prefer to work IN.

CM: Do you make time for lunch?
BC: No - I DO lunch.

CM: Would you like fans to carry you on their backs for a fundraiser called "Bruce Across America"? It could happen.
BC: I did it, but I quit when fans dropped me on my head in Boot Lick Wyoming.

CM: Can we get together for beer and mutton someday?
BC: Tomorrow at 7:30 okay for you? I'll tell my people...

Thanks again to Mr. Campbell for the interview, and Bruce, that drunk girl at the book signing in Seattle wasn't me... It was a little monkey. Buy Bruce's book, and visit the website: www.bruce-campbell.com