If it is a job worth doing, hire a contractor and don't let the bastards cheat you.

Make sure you get everything in writing or be prepared to receive a fucking bill for five times over the agreed upon estimate.

Shoddy work should not be tolerated when having your bathroom remodeled. There is no fucking way water should flow horizontal out of all the faucets even if the contractor is Houdini Plumbing.

Ask the assholes to correct the plumbing problem but remember the phrase 'no hair off my ass' doesn't mean shit to a bare-assed, red-butted baboon.

When you have your day in court and the wannabe Judge Judy warns you to sit down and shut up or you will be held in contempt and thrown in jail, she's really serious.

Always try to see the best in people, especially your cellmates.

Whining, sniffling, and begging in a high-pitched, girly voice will not help if your new friends Lex and Jake want to use you like the inflatable, sex toy (Tina) you keep in your attic hidden away from your adulterous whore of a wife. In fact, it seems to encourage them.

This is probably the worst that can happen.

I cannot emphasize enough the importance of covering your manhole.