So here you go - more than you'd ever want to know about me, but were petrified to ask. KP Staffers Corn Mo, Uncle Sloppy, and 40yrOldGayCop were brave enough to fire away a billion questions at yours truly. Read on, if you dare.

Questions from Corn Mo:

cm: A weekend with Sparks, or Mr. Show?
kp: That’s tough, but I think hanging out with Mr. Show would make me laugh a lot.

cm: Sex with Aames, or Baio?
kp: Um…. Probably Aames.

cm: Extreme Pornograffit, or Van Halen's Van Halen III?
kp: No.

cm: Explain Flag Corp.
kp: Explain why I was in it, or what it is?

cm: Yes. And include picture. And if there was band bus action. And your professional relationship with the band director and your band mates.
kp: Um, okay. I was 14. I lived in Palm Springs. I joined the flag team. I skipped the football season part and joined for the competitions in the spring--mostly because it got me out of PE. We lost every competition. There was no band bus action – we weren’t associated with the band. We just skipped a lot of classes together and talked about boys. Once we all met Jeff Conaway (GREASE's 'Kenicke') in a grocery store.

cm: What is shrimping?
kp: Are you coming on to me?

cm: Name one funny clown.
kp: Hey - you know I am afraid of clowns. And puppets.

cm: A lesson from Jon Stewart OR Martha Stewart?
kp: If by “lesson” you mean “make out session” then I mean Jon Stewart. If by “lesson” you mean “curtains” then I still mean Jon Stewart. If by “lesson” you mean “black eye” then I’d like Jon Stewart to give Martha Stewart a lesson.

cm: Cherry pie from George Washington or Martha Washington?
kp: I cannot tell a lie. I get my cherry pie from Warrant.

cm: An evening with Keith Gordon or Bud Cort?
kp: Why can’t I have both? I think I’d like an evening with Keith Gordon, and Bud Cort on the speakerphone.

cm: A drink of Billy Bob Thorton's blood, or the sweat of Keith Flint (Prodigy)?
kp: What is wrong with you? I prefer the flint of Keith Sweat.

cm: Answer these analogies to the best of your knowledge: Youth : Pizza :: General Public :
kp: Pizza. No, wait… Yeah pizza.
Yahoo Serious : funny movies :: ? : funny tv
Corn Mo
John Holmes : hot dogs :: Darci : ?
Every answer to this sounds wrong. Um… buns? Yes, I suppose the answer is hot, wet, buns.