Do you ever feel that everyone around you believes that your life is headed in the wrong direction? Are you, or does everyone think you are, an idiot?

Allow me to suggest prongs.

Having a hard time getting out from under all that credit-card debt? Feeling like no one will ever really understand you or appreciate what you do?

Prongs can be extremely helpful.

I suggest a four-pronged strategy. Sometimes even one prong can be enough to keep you from feeling trapped, fat, or hopeless.

Let me be clear, tines are not prongs. A four-tined strategy will prove worse than useless. Don't even think about it.

No, prongs are the thing for you, as few as one of them or as many as four. No more than four, though. Don't get ahead of yourself. Unless, of course, you have prior experience with prongs. But even then, give me a break. Don't come up to me and say that your approach to the problem is twelve-pronged. I will only laugh at you.

How many prongs am I using? Friends, I love you all very much, and I want to tell you the answer to that question, but if I did, you would never believe me. Or you would become jealous and hateful.

The first prong? Simple. A document indicating that you will no longer tolerate jeers and insults. The document should make it clear to your enemies that you will not be made a fool of. And if you are, someone (other than you) is going to pay.

Spell-check this document and, if possible, have it proofread by someone you trust. Embarrassing yourself by submitting a poorly composed document, full of grammatical and spelling errors, would be counterproductive.

The second prong is more complicated. If you do not have a solid understanding of physics and/or orthodontics, consider skipping this prong, because, as part of the second prong, you will be traveling back in time and performing your own dental work. Upon successful completion of this portion of the prong, you can look forward to returning to the present and beginning a career as an actor, or talk-show host. You will smile more and feel at ease in any situation. You will become rich, thus eradicating a bad credit history. Also, you will chew more efficiently.

The third prong involves using your media contacts to place articles critical of your opponents in the nation's major newspapers and leading magazines. Have your cartoonist friends insert subtle digs at your enemies into their comic strips. Focus on popular, nationally syndicated cartoons, such as "Garfield" or "Apartment 3G."

By now, you will have accomplished a great deal, but forces beyond your control will continue to bedevil you. I am mostly speaking here of things like luck, fate, bad decision-making, the weather, etc.