VAMPIRE CARTS
A vampire was walking through a warehouse looking for runaways when a kid named Justin spooked him from behind.

"What is death like?" asked Justin.

The vampire grabbed the boy and took him by the collar and showed him what death was like by snapping his neck.

"This isn't all of it, right?" asked Justin's ghost.

The vampire shrugged his shoulders and walked away. He sucked off five runaways in three hours.

Vampire blood is hard to harvest and is therefore very valuable. One family from Rumania prided itself with the collected blood of fifteen vampires whose history had spanned over 500 years. After the Iron Curtain of the Soviet Union fell, a wealthy entrepreneur by the name of Steve Landry visited this legendary family known as the Bakulas. He offered them fifteen million dollars for the collection. The Bakulas agreed.

Steve used the dead blood to make the inner core of golf balls. It made him millions. Golfers never had such a balanced ball because the dead-blood core had a fantastic centrifuge even though it seemed still. And the golfer was allowed a handicap because the blood made his heart darker than his opponents'.

Wilson, a golf ball manufacturer, paid five million dollars to have a supercollider "stab" a vampire golf ball with a toothpick. This caused all the dead blood golf balls to die. Steve Landry was ruined financially but was physically superior because he had wings implanted. He had previously drank the first batch of blood and could see in the dark. His new body gave him confidence and he soon made millions again on the college lecture circuit.

Steve's fuckin' awesome.