"We are indeed," I said. I will have the Mexican Lasagna and my lovely wife will have the Mexican Fettuccini Alfredo.

"Coming right up," Oprah said, writing our order on Tom Cruise's face with a sharpened-to-a-point-and-dipped-in-ink Madonna.

Just as we were finishing up our nachos, one of the busboys/Baldwin brothers came into the dining area.

"Anybody here drive an orange PT Cruiser?" he shouted.

"I do," I said. "Is everything okay?"

"Not exactly, you’d better come see this."

My wife and I followed the busboy outside to the parking lot. We were half titillated and half frightened. What could be happening to our PT Cruiser? (I’ll give you a hint: He was in Cousins)

We walked around one corner of the parking lot and suddenly before my eyes, I saw him. It was Ted "Toaster Thumbs" Danson and he was eating my car.

"I’m a huge fan sir, I absolutely adored Made in America!" I said.

"Yes, you’re my all-time favorite ‘man and a little lady’," my wife added.

Mr. Danson looked up from gnawing on the fender of our PT Cruiser, let out a monstrous shriek and ran off into the woods with a tire and the driver-side door.

"That was Ted Danson!" I yelled.

"Ted Danson! Woo!" is all my wife could reply.

"Ted freakin’ Danson!"

"Ted Danson! Woo!"

"Teddy Ted Dan-Dan!"

We went on like that in the parking lot for what must’ve been an hour. Elated and star-struck, we couldn’t think about food anymore so I had our dinner boxed up and paid the check. With our car partially eaten, it was undrivable, so my wife and I snapped our fingers, jumped on the backs of Rose Kennedy and Jack Nicholson, respectively, and galloped toward home.

Reprinted with permission from Haypenny.com.