Whether you know it or not, Chi Chi's margaritas are the best in town. Of course no margarita could ever possibly beat meeting my favorite "man and a baby", but how was I to know what was to come? For all I knew drinking that margarita was going to be the best part of my night!

Speaking of margaritas, they go right through me, so I headed to the men's room where the attendant, British Prime Minister Tony Blair greeted me with a wink, a smile and a tip of his cap.

"Evenin' Guvna!" the head of state said.

"Yes, hello," I replied as I approached the urinal to do my business.

I began to pee and suddenly realized that this was no normal urinal, but was in fact Michael Jackson and J.D. Salinger.

I finished up, flushed J.D. and the King of Pop and tossed Prime Minister Blair a quarter before heading back to the table.

I don't know if I've mentioned this yet, but later in the story I meet Ted "Fucking" Danson.

My wife had already started in on the turkey nachos, which were served on the bare ass of John Travolta, so I dug in before she ate the whole darn thing.

"You folks ready to order?" Oprah asked as she came back to the table.