"I'm Spike. I'm here now. I may have had a baby before I hit puberty, but I didn't not kick you in the nads." And with that, Spike punts the Colbiac's family jewels all the way to Throatville-meaning she kicks them damn-ass hard!

Mr. Colby is in horrendous pain, but he still manages to flap the knife to and fro. He's fading fast and Zit Remedy take full advantage of the situation. Joey, Snake and Wheels break into a wonderfully horrible, impromptu song about Mr. Colby's squashed balls, all the while squashing them even more.

I decide that it's my turn to take center stage. I eye Caitlin and Tessa who've arrive hand in hand at this very moment. I'm positive that if I can do something heroic, I can get them both to make out with me. Wheels has B.O.

"You've rubbed your last pair of under-aged, sleeveless, black arms Colbernacle!" With that I snatch the knife from Mr. Colby's shaky grip and thrust it deep into his belly. This gets a mixed reaction.

"Murderer! Bastard murderer!" It's Lucy, Mr. Colby's gangly, unsightly first victim. She's pissed. She races to the fallen molester's side.

"Lucy, what are you doing?" Says undead Claude Tanner, a student who committed suicide in term two.

"You fools! This isn't Mr. Colby!" She is sobbing and dripping with blood. "This wonderful man is in costume for my newest, crappy, feminist horror movie based on my dreadful encounter with Mr. Colby." She nervously lifts her hand to the man we assumed to be Mr. Colby and abruptly yanks off his face.

"Mr. Walfish!" Says everyone.

It's Mr. Walfish, the hip English teacher who had the sad duty of announcing Claude Tanner's suicide. Mr. Walfish had also helped on Lucy's first stinker, "It Creeps!" and is now dead.

The mob of greasy, pockmarked students begins to turn on me. I am frightened.

Suddenly I hear music-theme music! The words, "To Be Continued..." appear out of thin air. Mission accomplished!

Wheels farts.