kp: Have you ever had a nightmare that you were walking through a High School cafeteria wearing nothing but a hat?  If so, did you wake up wearing a hat?
pm: Hmmm let me think...oh yeah...right. Ha-ha, I get it.  If I had a dollar for every girl who asked me to wear the hat in bed, BOY!

kp: Did you ever get a girl pregnant because you weren't wearing a "jimmy hat"?
pm: [silence]

kp: Do you enjoy the Poutine? Were there jokes in school about "poutine" and "poontang"?
pm: I can never get enough Poutine...or is it Poontang? Let me ask my wife when she gets home

kp: Is there a good voice coach I could go to to get rid of my "oohs" in words like "out" and "about"?
pm: As soon as you learn that the letter Z is pronounced “ZED” not “ZEE” give me a call

kp: Do you like Larry Gowan?
pm: Cory Heart is more my thing. Or a good song by Celine Dion

kp: Have you gotten any cosmetic surgery that no one knows about?
pm: I’ve had my breasts augmented but that was for personal reasons, not professional.

kp: Does Canada "own" Michael J. Fox or have you given him to the USA?
pm: We traded him for William Shatner a few years back.  Jim Carrey was unavailable.

kp: Who's bigger in Canada - Pam Anderson or Jim Carrey?
pm: The SCTV cast blows them all away

kp: If you were trapped on a desert island and could only have one movie to watch, would it be "Fast Times at Ridgemont High" or "Schindler's List" or "Caddyshack" or "Silkwood"?
pm: What ever happened to "Ferris Bueller's Day Off", a cult classic?  Swing, batta batta batta, swing...

kp: If France went to war with Canada, who's side do you think America would be on?
pm: Hey man, I don’t do politics.

kp: Would you pay to watch Dennis Hopper wrestle Tom Green naked? What if there was JELL-O involved?
pm: Only if Jell-O was there and I get to eat some afterwards

kp: Do you think you will ever do a one man show like "Pat Mastroianni IS Douglas MacArthur"?
pm: I have no aspirations right now to do theater but I do hope I get that Budweiser commercial I went out for today. This calls for a Bud Light!!

Thanks so much to Pat for the interview! Visit patmeup.com and hire him for that commercial, eh?!