Alas, my mega snacking ways caught up with me and my doctor placed me on a snackless diet. The closest thing to a snack I've ingested all week was half of a low-fat Polly-O string cheese (low-fat cheese tastes suspiciously like semi-hardened wood glue).

But I am not one to disappoint. Outside the bedroom, that is. So instead of either bashing or praising the merits of some half-assed new candy product that will probably disappear from the shelves in six months anyway, I'd like to discuss the long, illustrious history of the greatest snack food ever made. Ladies and gentlemen, friends and foes, nubile maidens and belligerent cretins, I give you... The Twinkie.

The first Twinkie was nothing like the wondrous yellow dirigible we have today. The year was 1930. Hitler was just gaining power. America was beginning to feel the crippling effects of the Depression. In this era of bleakness, only one thing cheered the men and made the women giggle strawberries. And the Continental Baking Company introduced a golden sponge cake to the world. A sponge cake that could be used in the creation of strawberry shortcakes.

But this was 1930. There were no PlayStations, televisions, or methods to grow strawberries in the off-season. The sponge cake would not sell well once the last strawberry of the year shriveled and died. Enter the genius of a young bakery manager James A. Dewar. He decided to fill up the sponge cake with a creamy banana filling, enabling its sales to continue even without strawberries.

But World War II placed its dark shadowy hand across the land. Millions were killed. Families were torn apart. And bananas were sent to the frontlines of our brave soldiers for nourishment. And thus… a banana shortage enveloped the land like a uh big shadowy hand.

Vanilla cream was used in place of bananas. And the Twinkie as we know it was born.

The Twinkie Timeline
Make Your Very Own Twinkie-esque Cake!