More Asian Snack foods...
The dark continent of Asia has contributed much to humanity: fireworks, spaghetti, transcendental meditation, ninjas, furniture made out of paper, and Kabuki Man. But one thing we must not overlook, lest we overlook what it is that makes us human, is their snacks. In part 1 of my Asian Fetish edition, I took you on a grand journey to China, Japan, and Taiwan and discussed the merits of their marshmallows, cookies, wafers, and foul fruit juices. Today I'd like to turn our attention to candy bars, tea biscuits, and fake ice cream cones. Come join me on another exhilirating adventure into the world of Asian snacks... if you dare!!

Hello! (Philippines)
The Philippines, whose main exports are opium and sex slaves, now ships over a contraband almost as delicious -- chocolate-coated vanilla cream light wafer sandwiches, the stuff dreams are made of. Imagine a lighter, but bigger Kit Kat with vanilla cream and milkier chocolate. Now imagine me eating every Hello! bar on the planet because that is my new short-term goal. Say Hello! to Hello! and let the bars into your life. Or don't and just mail them to me.

Khong Guan Cocoa Puff Biscuits (Singapore)
I'm cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs but I sure ain't cuckoo for this crap. These ultra-sugary tea biscuits have an internal thin layer of chocolate that is so low quality it has a blueberry aftertaste. The texture is hard and gritty and they look like smooshed, flattened Fig Newtons. But the only fig here is me saying, "FIG THIS! This crap sucks!!" (Though they're actually pretty good dunked in milk or Woody's Ice blueberry malt liquor.)

Caplico Stick (Japan)
Brought to you by Glico, the company that makes fifteen quadrillion types of Pocky, is a new product that had the Picky Panda go, "Awwww.... KUWAIIIII....." (Kuwai is the Japanese word for "cute" but you have to say it really nasally and whine out the last syllable until the guy finally breaks down and buys the item for you.) These are long, thin cones that are filled with what seems to be astronaut ice cream, but creamier. They come in mixed flavors - chocolate (okay), strawberries and cream (eh), and fresh milk (run away!!!!). Like most Glico products, the packaging is nice, the items look cute, and the taste is pretty standard. But one thing I must say about Japanese snacks in general is that they're a lot more imaginative and creative than the rest of Asia, who either takes pre-existing products and repackages them or creates slightly different derivatives. So hats off to Japan, the best snack-producing Asian country. They also churn out awesome cartoons like Dragonball Z and pretty hot schoolgirls - meow!