kp: Who would you rather make out with: David Bowie or Ozzy Osbourne?
JF: Oh my God you even have to ask...David Bowie is still hot as fuck! Ozzy is an old fat man. An old fat man who rocks like the devil himself, but an old fat man nonetheless.

kp: Of course I don't have to ask. I just thought if Bowie saw this, you might get lucky. You've been getting a lot of "action" with the "ladies" since you moved here. What's up with that?
JF: That didn't last...it never does. I can't ever seem to get past fourth base.

kp: Which do you prefer: "Sherm" or "Dumpster Truffles"?
JF: Wet Franklins

kp: Make up a band name right now.
JF: The Droopy Diaper Krew

kp: When I have the money, I want to put together a touring rock act called "Kid Bacon and the Denton All-Stars." Will you do it?
JF: Only if I can do a nude scene.

kp: If I write a buddy cop screenplay as a vehicle for Piven, Jeter, and Deezen, will you star as the villain's head henchman (a la Gary Busey in Lethal Weapon)?
JF: Only if I can do a nude scene with Eddie Deezen.

kp: Done, and done! Do you think we'll ever get anyone to produce HARD POPE the movie?
JF: Roman Polanski is the only one who could keep the true spirit of the piece intact.

kp: What's your favorite karaoke song to sing? Is it "Feels Like the First Time?"
JF: "Wind Beneath My Wings"

kp: Liar! Do you have any questions for kittenpants?
JF: How did you get so god-damned sexy?
kp: Magic.

Thanks to Uncle Marty for the interview. Keep your eyes peeled, New Yorkers, for the next performance. Or just keep reading your kittenpants.