kp: How are we going to get tickets to see Tenacious D? It's sold out!
JF: They'll be wanting tickets to see us within a fortnight. I guaran-fuckin-tee you that, Aunt Marie...

kp: Who's the best car in the whole world?
JF: Magic Bobby.

kp: You're damn right. You told me a story about how Beyonce (from Destiny's Child) really likes chili dogs. Do you think she means the sexual act or the kind on a bun?
JF: I think she means the sexual act on a bun.

kp: Now that you have a job working around 14-year-old models have you started jerking off to SEVENTEEN magazine? TEEN PEOPLE?
JF: What do you mean "started"?

kp: Do you have a crush on any of the girls on SEVENTH HEAVEN? Is it Ruthie?
JF: Ruthie has blossomed into a beautiful young slut...er...I mean "lady".

kp: Have you made up any good jokes lately?
JF: Fuck no!!!

kp: What (if anything) do you miss about Dallas?
JF: Dr. Pepper on tap.

kp: What was the first concert you ever went to?
JF: The first big concert I went to was the Prince "Purple Rain" tour when I was 14. I came six times and I hadn't even reached puberty yet. Actually I reached puberty during DARLING NIKKI.

kp: The first album you ever bought?
JF: STYX, PIECES OF EIGHT

kp: If I propose a law making it illegal to put ketchup on hot dogs, would you vote "forrus" or "ag'in"?
JF: Are you coming on to me?

kp: Who would win in a rock-off: Klaus Nomad or Piss Fantasy? Dutch Treats or the Dooms? APP, DDA, or JSME?
JF: WINGS