"With a rush of cherry flavor..."
I was discussing Mountain Dew: CODE RED with Kittenpants to help straighten out my feelings toward this new product. I always believed Mountain Dew was the nectar of the Gods, but would CODE RED really be allowed into Xanadu? Kittenpants cleared things up for me when she made three great points:

1. The phrase "Code Red" is pretty exciting
2. I can't remember her second point
3. It's disappointing it doesn't turn your urine red

Let's analyze these individually. "Code Red" does sound cool. You envision yourself running for your life through the Death Star, red flashing lights above, storm troopers at your back, laser beams flying everywhere, the escape portal down the hall slowly closing...

Or you envision the grim Rush song "Red Sector A" - the days after an apocalyptic war and your town is being overrun by the invader; you watch your family getting slaughtered and you are left in a prison camp with your mother to protect, and you hear gunfire by the gates - but is it the liberators or the invaders?

The third thing you might envision brings us to the third point above: You're with your newly acquired girlfriend. You're kissing passionately, maybe too passionately because you want to hurry through that needless stage to advance to second. Unwilling to wait longer, you run your hands down her belly and start fumbling with her jeans button. She brushes your hand away and squirms. "Code Red! Code Red!" she says. "I'm having my period, please step away from the bleeding orifice." You apologize and feel stupid, but then slightly irritated that maybe it was a false alarm - maybe she just didn't want your elevator hitting her ground floor. You get up from the futon and tell her you have to wake up early and she should go. When she leaves after giving you a cold look, you gloomily masturbate on your toilet seat and spend the rest of the night playing Final Fantasy 7.