Enjoy this untitled masterpiece and then have a wine cooler in the hammock in your back yard.

Is the food table good?

"Yeah. They have shrimp cocktail, chips, salsa, Smokies, veggie tray, Lorna Doones-"

Lorna Doones? Has anyone eaten those?

"No... Wait. Two."

Well, I know you're going to want the shrimp but don't. You'll have gas the whole night. Painful gas.

"Yeah.  I need a beer. Should I ask?"

You don't ask for beer at a party.

It's been almost an addiction with my Backup. I use him like a crutch now. Ever since they came out I told myself I'd never get one. You put one of those remote, hearing-aid like pieces of equipment in your ear and there's a microphone inside that picks up your voice and surroundings. I don't how they do it or how it doesn't feed back but it's amazing. It's like tech-support for your life. Or a tele-conscience of sorts. I don't use him all the time. Like he doesn't enjoy Queen or Sweet, so when I'm driving I disconnect.

I use two different guys: one for the day shift and one for the night shift. The day shift guy sounds like Conrad Bain (Mr. Drummond) from "Diff'rent Strokes" and the night shift guy sounds like Michael Keaton. That's kind of funny, I guess.

"Have you ever seen NIGHT SHIFT?"

No. Is Keaton in that?

"Yeah. It's funny. So you're like Mr. Mom and Batman and Beetlejuice and Johnny Dangerously all wrapped up into one guy."

No, Michael Keaton is. My name is Kyle. I'm like a tech-support guy that doesn't have much free time but I go to your parties, pick up your women, hear you eat good dinners, play your bar trivia games, and sometimes listen to your television.

"I like watching TV alone."