This month's TnA pick is one of the classic 80's TnA films of all times, rivaled only by PORKY'S and PRIVATE SCHOOL. Boasting a cast of actress/models and Playboy Playmates (not to mention a post-Partridge but pre-bitter Danny Bonaduce) the movie couldn't be more pathetic in terms of script, and finds new and inventive ways to show the naked people. It's a perfect example of true TnA.

Teased for being too poor to join a "real" sorority, Honey Shayne vows to get back at Sorority Queen Melody Ragmore the only way she knows how: by seducing all the men on campus, leaving none for the girls of Pi. And so H.O.T.S. is formed, an alternative sorority for the "outcasts" who just happen to be gorgeous model types. And the token fat girl.

Between parties and pranks, the girls finally decide to settle the score with a strip football game (don't look to H.O.T.S. for logic...). And though you'd think this is enough of a story, the movie manages to throw in a few subplots along the way.

The first of these involves two escaped convicts, trying to break into the H.O.T.S. house to find hidden stolen money. I was completely annoyed with this whole tangent, until, as a bumbling attempt to get into the house, one of them poses as a housecleaning robot, complete with giant silver barrel costume, and vacuum extension arms. Yes!

The second revolves around finding out just what H.O.T.S. stands for. In a previous issue I asked the readers to let me in, if anyone knew. I only got one response, from Holly in Pilot Point, TX:

"I don't remember for sure, but I think that the girls in HOTS told people that the letters stood for 'Help Ollie The Seal.' I'm not sure about the Ollie part though. But it seems like the letters really stood for something else. I can't remember that part."

Holly was right, and wrong. There is a scene in which, threatened by the dean, and accused of having a sorority that Holds On To Sex, the H.O.T.S. girls bring in their mascot--a live seal--and swear that they only want to Help Out The Seals. In the end, you'll find that the true meaning was right in front of you, all along.

Check out the escaped bear drinking moonshine in the attic, the parachuting wonder known as "Boom Boom Bangs", and of course, the housecleaning "Robot" who fascinates the girls in the bathtub. I give H.O.T.S. four stars for TnA and five stars for being ridiculous and no stars for believability. I hope they make a sequel, starring the robot.